What If I had.. What If I said..

Regret is the root of all evil. She wished she would just stop obsessing over different what-ifs scenarios from the past 25 years. What if she stayed in the military? What if she had never enlisted? What if she had studied harder in high school? Often she tells herself that it does not solve anything. Are we born to worry? She had spent decades thinking before she went to bed about things she had done wrong in her past, and it wrecked her sleep and consumed her dreams. She had become a slave to her inner judgment. She was done.

She decided to take drive the long way to work and actually stop and smell the flowers. Actual flowers. There was a nursery a few miles from where she lived. She missed the last step on the stairs from her front porch and fell right on her face. She laid in the grass and dirt face down and gently raised herself up and dusted herself off. “Not today,” she said to herself. She had some scraped knees and walked it off.

She turned her key in the ignition and backed out of the driveway. As she drove down the road she smiled and knew her life would change after today. She would be mentally stronger and healthier. Her car started to veer to the right and she pulled over. ” No, this cannot be happening,” she yelled. Her right front tire was flat. She took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts. She grabbed her purse and walked. Nothing was going to slow her down.

She smelled the fresh air and looked over the fields as she walked the last mile to her flowery destination. She was smiling and then looked up and her smile faded when she felt a raindrop hit her nose. She was going to stay positive although she knew it was coming.

And it came.. the rain, the absolute pouring rain. Her purse was rainproof and she just kept her forward path to the nursery. For most people, the rain would be an inconvenience, especially when their car has broken down. Trying to get her mind healthy took many years, and it would start and stop. It would keep going over the past and other roads she could have taken.

She saw the roof of the nursery peek over the hill and she started to run towards it. Tears ran down her face, and it was freeing. She picked up speed and ran up to the door and it the sign said CLOSED FOR THE DAY. She ran crying all around and knocking on the windows. She fell backward over a brick and rolled over. Over into a bed of wildflowers and, she laid there and looked up at the sky. Her tears and the rain washed all of the muddiness of her past away and cleansed her being. She rolled back over and inhaled deeply, then fell asleep with no regrets, no nightmares, no what-ifs.


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